Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Randomize
