I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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