Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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