Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
