kristin has been a bad kristin
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
