Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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