Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm always down for nudity.
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