Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
