Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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