"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
