I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
