You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
