Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
