The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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