Your dad touched me again.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
