I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
