the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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