My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
