Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The beer is more important than you right now.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
