If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
