There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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