Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
