i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
