Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
