I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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