Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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