I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
