im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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