I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
