i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
it hurts more in the daytime
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
