well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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