she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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