My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
