He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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