Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
party gras won. party gras always wins.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
