Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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