Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just had sex on a roof
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
