I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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