I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
