My sheets look like a crime scene.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
