Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
