just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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