i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
