I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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