Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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