Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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