In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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