U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I stole a fireplace last night.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
