I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
