you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
